Vulnerability
A Message for Parashat VaYishlah 2017
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Parashat VaYishlah begins
with a description of Yaakov’s overwhelming state of fear and instability.
Fearing Esav’s approach, he split his camp into two separate groups, prepared
tributary offerings and cried out to God for help. In an unexpected twist,
however, Yaakov then separated himself and ventured off on his own:
And Yaakov was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until the
break of dawn. (Bereshit 32:25)
Why did Yaakov do this? His underlying
motives and actions are never made clear. The contrast between this episode and
his proceeding demeanor is likewise puzzling. How did Yaakov – in a state of
weakness and disillusion – muster the courage to fight this man – and prevail?
* * * *
Best-selling author and inspirational speaker Brené Brown distinguished between the
often-confused states of vulnerability and weakness. She explained
that according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the word vulnerability is
derived from the Latin word vulnerare, meaning “to wound.” The
definition includes “capable of being wounded,” and “open to attack or damage.”
Weakness, however, is “the inability to withstand attack or wounding.”
Brown noted that weakness often stems from a lack of vulnerability,
because when we don’t acknowledge how and where we’re tender, we’re more at
risk of being hurt.[1]
Researchers Peter Fuda and Richard Badham
explained that when a leader is willing to expose their vulnerability to their
subordinates, a “snowball effect” is created. The team members sense the
courage of their leader and become inspired to follow. Fuda and Badham told the
story of Clynton, the managing editor of a large German corporation who realized
that his directive leadership was preventing others from taking initiative.
Rather than working to change his behavior in private, Clynton stood up at an
annual meeting of his top sixty managers and acknowledged his failings. He
outlined his personal and organizational roles and turned to the others for
input. The researchers suggested that the team’s subsequent successes in the
realms of initiative and innovation resulted from Clynton’s exposure of his
vulnerability.[2]
* * * *
As Yaakov prepared for battle with Esav, he
sought strength. He understood that attempting to deceive himself and others of
his true capabilities would only expose his weaknesses. Acknowledging his
vulnerability, however, would embolden him. Yaakov therefore decided to
“separate himself,” and underwent a difficult self-rendering. He stepped apart
in order to come to terms with his true self by better understanding his
actual abilities and deficiencies.
And he [the man] saw that he had not won against him [Yaakov],
and he touched his hip-socket and Yaakov’s hip socket was wrenched as he
wrestled with him…And he was limping on his hip. (32:26,32)
Although Yaakov seemed to emerge as the
victor of the struggle, his noticeable limp exposed his vulnerabilities. And
although the man renamed Yaakov, telling him: “Not Yaakov shall your name hence
be said, but Yisrael, for you have striven with God and men and won out” (29),
his name Yaakov persisted. As Nessiv (R. Naftali Sevi Yehudah Berlin)
observed, Yaakov’s enduring limp made it clear that he hadn’t entirely won the
fight.[3]
Preparing for battle with his brother, Yaakov
began by courageously exposing his vulnerabilities. Rather than feigning
strength, Yaakov showed that he was “capable of being wounded,” and “open to
attack or damage.” He emerged a changed person with a new name. Although his
identity as the physically weaker Yaakov was forever exposed, his hidden
courage to bear his vulnerabilities as Yisrael sprang forth as his future
source of strength.
When we were children, we used to think that when we were
grown up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept
vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.
(Madeleine L’Engle)[4]
Shabbat shalom!
Rabbi Avi Harari
[1] Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead (New York, NY, 2012), pg.
39.
[2] Peter Fuda and Richard
Bandham, “Fire, snowball mask, movie: How leaders spark and sustain change,” Harvard
Business Review, Nov. 2011.
[3] R. Naftali Sevi Yehudah
Berlin, HaAmek Davar 32:32, s.v. va-yizrah.
[4] Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art (New York, NY, 2016), pg. 182.